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My dearest West Virginia and North Carolina,

I’m writing this to you in hopes that you’ll see what you’ve done and feel some remorse for it. It seems that your stupidity has caught the attention of the nation and the world. It pains me to say this, but you are quite embarassing.

I wish I could quit you.

North Carolina, I’ll start with you first. What were you thinking? If I were your mother, I’d smack you in the mouth until your teeth came pouring out. What gave you the right to legislate on the worth of a man? Who gave you the right to determine if one sort of human is better or worse than another?

You do not have a right to do that, North Carolina. Just as you never had a right to judge the marriage of an interracial couple, you don’t have the right here either. Enjoy the bigotted bed you’ve made for yourself, because you’ll soon find out that you are again on the wrong side of history. Just because you are a southern state and your vote was expected, it is not acceptable and it will be made right one day soon.

Soon, you’ll just have to bend over and take the truth.

Now, West Virginia. What am I going to do with you? More specifically, West Virginia Democrats, what the fuck were you thinking? How does it feel to be just racist enough to vote for a convicted felon?  It’s got to feel pretty good, huh? I mean this is West Virginia, where Democrats are Republicans and Republicans are batshit crazy.

We all know that you, the 42% who voted for Keith Judd, will vote for Mitt Romney in November, but why’d you ever choose to vote for president at all? You could have skipped it. You know, I used to believe that if you don’t vote, you can’t bitch about politics. But, I’d rather many of you didn’t vote. I’d rather you sit back, call Obama a “nigger” and not disgrace my ballot box with your bullshittery. It seems that you are hell bent on pushing the stereotype that West Virginians are just backwards hicks, set in their ways.

Want to prove me wrong? How about you vote out an incumbent before they die in office? That would be a good fucking start. Ain’t that right, Robert Byrd’s Rotting Corpse?

Hope to hear from you soon!

Hugs and Kisses,